Amanda - A Philly Bridal Boudoir Session
When I left my beautiful Philadelphia boudoir studio the end of September, I knew I wanted to have some images of me in that gorgeous space but taking selfies has never really been a skill set of mine. So when my wonderful sister Brittany offered to take some photos of me, I knew we could work together to create the kind of images I take for my clients, but of me. And holy wow ya’ll! These are my favorite images of myself. I am so so grateful to Britt for taking the time one Saturday morning to take these for me and even more grateful that she let me live out my bridal boudoir fantasy! If you know Jordan and I, you know that we planned our wedding in 74 days and were only together 6 months before saying I do. Yup, it was a fast one ya’ll. So I didn’t have the time or really the money to do any of the bridal things most of other brides get to do. So these images mean the world to me.
I am all about the belief that its never too late. And so for me that meant taking bridal inspired boudoir photos that make me feel like the most beautiful version of myself. Who cares that we have been married 5 and a half years!!! I know I will forever be her bride, the one she chooses and having photos of myself that make me feel sexy and stunning and like a bride is something I don’t have from that day. I felt pretty on my wedding day, but thats it. These make me feel like a woman, like a stunning bride, like the most sexy babe in a room. I know that a lot of my struggles around looking like a bride came from my parents not accepting me and Jordan after I came out and the purity culture of Christianity that I grew up with. It was all jumbled up in my brain and there was this subliminal belief that I didn’t deserve the white dress and big wedding and supportive family. Now, years later, I can see all of that so clearly. So creating these images felt a little like clarity, like accepting that I am worthy of feeling like a bride or beautiful or sexy, even if I couldn’t accept or see that back then. And knowing I got to create them with my sister, the way I wish I would have created memories on the morning of my wedding day with her….its just so special to me.
Tomorrow, October 12th, is Jordan and my 6th dating anniversary and today is National Coming Out Day and this just felt like the right time to share these. I came out to my parents just 3 weeks after we started dating and I look back at that part of my life in awe of myself sometimes. I was so bold with the fact that I knew Jordan was it for me, so much so that I was willing to loose my parents. Coming out for so many LGBTQ folxs means loosing people they love and that was true for me. I came out of the closet slowly, telling a few friends here and there, taking 2 years to come out to all of them. I kept hoping some would stay, that they would go “oh cool, do you have any girls your interested in?” and while a few were good about it, I lost nearly everyone I loved and called family in that process.
Stepping into the light of of who you are, into your truth, should be a celebration. It should be filled with pride and joy. It shouldn’t be filled with people turning their backs, yelling and screaming about Jesus and hell, or overwhelming darkness that makes you question everything. I am so grateful that my darkness had Jordan’s light. That over the years my coming out would lead to a purpose in creating space for others to be their truest selves. That being me led to an authentic and beautiful relationship with my sister. That it led me to a space where I can create images like these that make me feel so joy.
To my wonderful, kind, sweet wife who has never made me feel like anything other than the babe I see in these pictures - thank you isn’t ever enough. But thank you for choosing me every single day. For challenging me, for pushing me, for growing with me and for fighting for me. For actually making me see beauty in myself. I know these images are far more for me than they are for you, but I loved the way your face lit when I showed them to you because you know how beautiful I felt. Your love has given me the space to become the bestest version of myself and I am so grateful for that day I decided to make my at-the-time-neighbor sorbet because that started the best relationship of my life.
As I promised back then - I will stand by your side, forever sleep in your arms and rest in the knowledge that I am the one your heart and soul calls home. I love you and I love that I get to call you mine.
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